He's Got a Name

"That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms" (thatbastardkurtis5) 04/04/2016 at 20:48 • Filed to: None

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I don’t name vehicles all the time. I think I’ve had maybe four named cars. First was Mr Peabody. An ‘89 Dodge Shadow ES, Chrysler’s internal designation for the Shadow and Duster was P-Body. Simple enough.

Not my car, but identical.

Next would be Freddie Mercury, my ‘85 Capri RS. You could see through Freddie’s floors, but man that guy went. It only ever ran on 7 cylinders, so I’m not sure how it had the stones it did.

Freddie Mercury.

Next was The Baron, an ‘89 Mercedes 560 SEL. You can’t tell from that picture, but it had gorgeous oxblood red leather interior. I sold it to a guy who was on house arrest and was wearing an ankle bracelet. Then I had to buy it back because somebody told him the engine was knocking only when the car was parked on a hill (it has 109k miles and no knock). I then sold it for $800 more to a guy who used it to drive up and down the east coast with his son looking at colleges and then drove it 3000 miles back to Spokane Washington. Worked out for me.

The Baron, before I refinished the wheels.

After that was Bigfoot, the only vehicle I regret ever selling. A ‘96 F250 XLT with the 7.3 Power Stroke, and basically the nicest one in the world. I traded a really nice ‘92 Mustang LX 5.0 for it, and definitely got the better end since the truck was worth $8500 at the time to the Mustang’s $6000. Man I wish I had that truck back.

Bigfoot, or now Bigfoot 1.

Which brings me neatly to the newest named vehicle, Bigfoot 2, my 2001 F250 XLT. Today we got a random April snowstorm (welcome to Rhode Island, motherfuckers!) and Bigfoot 2 earned his name by safely ferrying Sebastian home from daycare and generally making the snow his bitch, even in 2wd.

The main takeaway from today was that yes, a supercab Super Duty will baby:

It’s funny to me how my truck can already have so much rot while the interior is legitimately excellent. But, since Bigfoot 2 can baby, I no longer need my P71...the sale of which will fund repairs to Bigfoot’s rust. Already a really nice truck, it'll be a super nice truck when rust free.

PorkchoPlissken > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 20:53

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Never named any of my cars. Or girlfriends. One girlfriend did name a car though. Bench seat. Because of certain bench seat activities.

SVTyler > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 20:58

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I didn’t name my car but my mechanic calls it the FuckUs because it fucks him whenever he has to diagnose whatever’s wrong with it, and it fucks me to try and find parts and fix it.

I have a feeling he doesn’t like it...

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > PorkchoPlissken 04/04/2016 at 21:04

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You're right to not name any of your girlfriends, too easy to get attached once you do that.

PorkchoPlissken > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 21:08

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That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > PorkchoPlissken 04/04/2016 at 21:13

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I've got my own system, MAC: Move in After Completion.

interstate366, now In The Industry > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 21:27

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Two of my cars have nicknames. My ‘91 Prelude Si is nicknamed Lucky (a name my dad gave it when he owned it) because it was saved from the junkyard.

I named my 2001 Cosima after the character in Orphan Black because I think it’s a cool name and I’m a sucker for girls in hipster glasses.

Frenchlicker > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 21:30

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I’ve bought three cars so far and named two

Money: white 1998 Taurus, big white blob that drive me to insanity

The Black Death: black 2001 Taurus, it has car cancer and is a massive pos. It may be the death of me.

The most recent one is like my mistress: met it through my girlfriend, love doing to it what I hate with the others and I will happily spend money on it.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 21:50

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Because of the implication.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 21:58

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The e38 has a name. With the production build date of 2/22 and the license plate letter I got assigned, I couldn’t resist. A pure coincidence.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 22:06

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I know you’re supposed to name your car, and the nickname is supposed to be your friends’ job. Unfortunately, my friends have never been able to come up with a better nickname than “rich old man car”, so I’ve nicknamed it “the Wunderbarge”. And it doesn’t have an actual name.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/04/2016 at 23:40

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Good thing you got some fresh tires!

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms 04/05/2016 at 07:30

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My base-trim 2009 Accent is called ‘Humdrum’ for obvious reasons!

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars 04/05/2016 at 08:53

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That's an appropriate name.